I Can't Be Silent Anymore
by XX00Meg00XX
Summary: "He told her it could wait until after the case, but he's not sure he can wait that long. The words bubble up in his throat every time he sees her, threatening to spill over at any minute." A 'what if' scene insert for '47 Seconds'.
1. I Can't Be Silent Anymore

**A/N: A what if scene insert for '47 Seconds'. This may be a two-shot if enough people want it. Once again, this one is rated M for a reason. If you don't like that kind of stuff, then don't read it. All mistakes are my own. Would love to hear your thoughts. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any of the characters. Some of the dialogue in this is directly from the episode. No copyright intended.**

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><p><em>This is for Jill and Bri, who's friendship means the world to me. <em>

_May you always be encouraged._

_Hugs, xo._

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><p><strong>I Can't Be Silent Anymore<strong>

"_We lost it all till only love was left,_

_And that was one thing money can't buy."_

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><p>"<em>I've been thinking about all the victims and their families. About all of the opportunities they'll never have, and I don't want that to happen...I…"<em>

It's been hours since he uttered those words to her, hours since he tried to tell her what's in his heart, only to be interrupted. This case is brutal and sad. There's nothing that makes the killing of innocent people better. It's an eye opener to say the least, teaching some of life's hardest lessons.

Life isn't promised to anyone, and the thought of losing her before he tells her how he feels is enough to break him. Every chance, every moment he's had, it all flashes before his eyes. He told her it could wait until after the case, but he's not sure he can wait that long. The words bubble up in his throat every time he sees her, threatening to spill over at any minute.

Her strength, her diligence, her commitment to bring justice to the victims, he wants it all, but most of all he wants her heart. Kate hasn't been an easy person to get to know, but he does know her now and he loves every frustrating thing about her.

They've worked long nights since the case started, putting in as much time as they possibly can to try and find the bomber. He's spent the entire day with her, watching her, admiring her - loving her. He's tired of being silent, he can't take it anymore.

On his way to the precinct, he picks up her favorite coffee. He imagines the smile on her face as he hands it to her and it's all the inspiration he needs to decide. He's going to tell her, today, as soon as he sees her.

When he enters the precinct he notices she isn't at her desk so he sits her coffee down. They've had a break on the case and Kate is in the box with the suspect. He finds himself on the other side of the glass watching her. She's a ball of confidence as she questions the suspect, using all of her tactics to get him to break. His admiration for her soars, until her last words bring his sudden inspiration to a crashing halt.

"You wanna know trauma? I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it!"

Castle's mouth drops open and his heart thuds in his chest. She's remembered all this time and she continued to lie to him. His first instinct is to leave, to put as much distance between her and himself as he can, but he's not giving up that easily. He waits for her to exit the interrogation room and when she does he's ready. It's now or never.

He doesn't say a word as he grabs her hand and pulls her down the hall. Leading her to a storage closet and pulling her inside before shutting the door. He's scoped this area out many times, letting his imagination run wild, he's sure it will give them the privacy they need.

"Castle, what the hell?"

He whirls around to face her, the light from the hallway illuminating her face just enough that he can make out her expression.

He knows he shouldn't do this, knows it will probably be the end of his partnership with her, but if it is then so be it. He crowds her against the back wall of the closet, pressing every inch of his body to hers. He doesn't give her a chance to react before he's crashing his lips to hers.

He expects her to push him away, a slap to the face, maybe even yelling. What he gets is quite the opposite. Kate's hands wrap around his waist and her lips part under his, allowing him inside. He closes his eyes, momentarily losing himself, until her hips knock into his and he remembers where they are.

He roughly pulls his lips away from hers, but he doesn't move his body. Their mutual panting is all that can be heard in the room. He knows she's waiting for an explanation, but he just doesn't have one for her right now. He runs a hand down her side and lets it rest on her hip and he doesn't miss the gasp that escapes her mouth.

It's all the incentive he needs to keep going. It's something he may regret in the future, letting his anger run the show. He would never be this forward with her otherwise, but he's already crossed the line. If he's going to force himself to walk away from her, he's going to make sure she knows what she's letting go.

He captures her lips again, tangling his tongue with hers and exploring every inch of her hot, sweet mouth. When she rocks against him again he moves his hand to the front of her pants, deftly unbuttoning them. He starts to slip his hand inside, desperate to feel her even if it's the only time he ever will. In the moment of his hesitation she pulls her head back, separating their lips and whispers her words into his mouth. "Don't stop."

She doesn't give him a chance to respond as she runs her tongue over his bottom lip, biting on it softly before diving back in.

He lets his hand drop lower, slipping it inside the lining of her panties. He's instantly aware of the heat that's radiating from her center and the wetness that coats his fingers. She moans as he parts her folds and it's without a doubt one of the sexiest noises he's ever heard. He drags a sodden finger from her entrance up to her swollen clit, applying pressure as he circles around it.

He wants her more than he's ever wanted anyone, but her statement is still ringing loud in his head. He jerks his lips away from hers, unable to stop himself from asking the question.

"Is it true?"

She hasn't caught on to what he's referring to yet and she shakes her head as she answers him. "Is what true?"

He narrows his eyes, annoyed that she's playing the 'I don't know' card right now. "You remember?"

His hand is still buried inside her pants, his finger still coated with the evidence of what she feels for him, and yet the temperature in the room suddenly goes from scalding to ice cold.

He's tired of excuses and even more tired of lies.

"Kate, you've been lying to me all of this time. And you chose to tell a suspect instead of me."

He sees the flash of panic on her face before she schools her features. "I didn't…you were – you were listening outside the room?"

"Yes, I was listening." He can't have the rest of this conversation with his hand in her pants, touching parts of her that he doesn't want unless he can have her heart as well. He pulls his hand out, ignoring her whimper and takes a step back from her.

"For the past few days I've wanted to tell you…I need you to…" he's stutters. What confidence he had is gone now. If she couldn't tell him she remembered then she obviously doesn't feel the same way he does. "I guess it doesn't really matter now."

She takes a step towards him but he backs up.

"It does matter. I'm so sorry, Castle. I didn't mean for it to happen like this. I didn't want you to find out this way."

"Well then why couldn't you just tell me? Even after all this time, if you would have just told me, I would have understood. I asked you multiple times if you remembered. Am I worth that little to you that you feel you couldn't just tell me that you don't feel the same way?"

"Castle, I – wait what? You just had your hand down my pants and you think I don't feel the same way?" She takes another step towards him, backing him up against the door of the supply closet.

"Lust and love are two completely different things, Kate. I don't want to do this with you if I can't have all of you. My heart can't take it anymore, this is too damn hard." He's looking down at his hand; the sticky evidence of her arousal is still glistening on his fingers.

"What are you saying, Castle?"

He still won't meet her gaze. "I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending I'm not madly in love with you. I think this will be my last case, I need to walk away from this."

Tears blur her vision as she thinks about him walking away from her. She grabs his face and lifts it, connecting her lips with his, her kiss furious and bruising. She pushes her tongue into his mouth, battling his own.

Pulling away for air she keeps her hands on his face, forcing him to look at her. "Richard Castle, you listen to me. I love you, I am hopelessly in love with you and I have been for some time. I don't want anyone but you and I'll be damned if you think you're going to walk away from me."

He doesn't respond right away, the meaning of her words taking longer to reach him than usual. She sees the moment he registers what she's just said. "You love me?"

She smiles at him then, the first real smile since before this case started. "Yes, I love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you and I'm sorry that I lied to you all this time. Please, don't walk away, I want this, I want you."

She barely finishes her sentence before he's reversed their positions. His mouth reconnects with hers at the same time that his hand finds its way back inside her pants.

She whimpers when he resumes his previous attention to her swollen clit. He isn't shy this time, pushing first one and then a second finger into her dripping wet heat. She lifts her leg, hooking it around his hip and opening herself up more for him.

He thrusts his fingers deeply inside her, curling them slightly until he hits the spot that has her hips jerking and her knees buckling,

She bites down on his bottom lip to keep herself from screaming. She has to remind herself where they're at right now. He smirks against her lips, pulling back slightly to look at her as he presses his thumb harder against her clit. "Tell me Kate, are you holding back right now? Do you like to be loud when you come?"

She mewls, her teeth biting down on her own bottom lip this time. "Yes, but only when I imagine that you're the one making me come."

His eyes widen and a low growl rips from his throat. "Well, what if we get the hell out of here and I make you scream all night long?"

She breaks apart at his words, throwing her head back and closing her eyes. He continues working his fingers inside her until she whimpers and lifts her head. This time when he pulls them out of her he brings them to his mouth, licking each one clean.

She watches him, the arousal that he just thoroughly sated rebuilding instantly.

When he's satisfied that he's cleaned it all off, he leans in and kisses her again. She only lets him linger for a moment before she pushes him away from her. "Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to go to the bathroom and freshen up, then I'm going to talk to the boys about Bobby and I'm going to take rest of the night off. Wait a few minutes and then slip out of here and head to the elevator. I'll meet you at my car and we can go to my place."

He smiles at her as he reaches down to fix her pants. "And what might we be doing at your place, Detective?"

She leans in close to him, placing her lips right against the shell of his ear. "Oh, we're going to make up for lost time. And Castle?"

She steps away from him then, a salacious grin spreading across her face.

"There's going to be nothing silent about it."


	2. Overcoming The Silence

**A/N: Since so many of you asked, here is the second part of this story. Please note that this chapter is VERY M rated. If it's not your thing then don't read it. In honor of that wonderful episode from last night, the smut fairies have decided to take over my writer brain. There should be a post-ep for 7X03 coming soon. All mistakes are my own. Happy reading. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any of the characters. I just make them do the things we would never see on television. ;)**

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><p><strong>Overcoming the Silence<strong>

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><p>Castle practically skips from the elevator to the parking garage where Kate's cruiser is parked. The weight he was feeling earlier is finally starting to lift. She loves him. Kate Beckett is in love with him. Not only is she in love with him, but he just had his hand down her pants – inside her – and felt the very wet evidence of how much she wants him. He's seen –and felt – her come once, in a dimly lit storage closet and yet the memory of it is enough for his pants to become uncomfortably tight. It's even hotter that she's imagined him making her come before. He wants her spread out under him, showing him just how loud she can be. She promised him there would be nothing silent about their night. He intends to make her keep that promise.<p>

He can tell she's still aroused when she rounds the corner and he hears the sharp click of her heels. Her cheeks are flushed a beautiful pink hue that extends all the way down to where he chest disappears inside her shirt. When she gets close enough to him he pulls her flush against his body, letting her feel what she does to him. Her eyes widen and she smirks against his lips, flicking her tongue out over his bottom lip. His hands slip from her waist to the delicious curve of her ass.

"Mmm…Kate, I need you." He breathes his words into her open mouth and she whimpers.

"Get in the car, Castle, before I decide to let you take me right here."

He laughs against her skin and she shivers as goose bumps form everywhere is breath touches. "What's the matter? A quick, hot fuck up against your car isn't something that turns you on?"

She puts her lips against the shell of his ear, mirroring her pose from the closet. "Oh I fully intend to let you fuck me up against any surface you want, but not for our first time."

She dodges his hands as he reaches for her, her laughter echoing through the parking garage. She rounds the car and slides into the driver's seat. He follows her lead, opened the passenger side door and getting in. He squirms uncomfortably for a minute before finally settling in his seat. She reaches over the console, sliding her hand up the inside of his thigh. He halts her hand before she can touch him and she groans her disapproval. "Kate Beckett, you are a naughty girl."

She starts the car, pulling her hand away from him so that she can steer the car out of the garage. "I told you before, you have no idea, but you're about to find out." She smirks again at the way he shifts in his seat. "If you don't hurry, I'm going to be tempted to find out before we make it to your apartment."

This time her laughter fills the car. "Down boy, we're almost there."

"Do you know how long I have wanted you, Kate?"

She reaches for his hand, softly squeezing it. "I'm all yours, Castle. From now on, always."

The hot spark of sexual tension keeps them on edge until she parks her cruiser outside her apartment. It's a tangle of tongues and limbs as they board the elevator and by the time the doors slide open on her floor, she's pressed against the back wall, legs wrapped around his waist.

He somehow manages to keep her in his arms and walk to the door of her apartment. He lets her slide down his body, both moaning when his erection comes in contact with her core. He can feel the damp heat of her soaking through and he can't stop himself from reaching down to feel.

"God, Kate you are so fucking wet."

She grins wickedly at him as she fumbles with her keys, trying to get the right one in her door. "I've been this way for three years now, all because of you."

She manages to get her key in the door and finally flings it open. She slips her heels off immediately, but when she turns for him he's still standing in the hall.

"Castle?"

He still doesn't move into her apartment so she reaches for his arm, tugging him in so she can shut the door. She locks the door and then moves to stand in front of him. "Hey, what's wrong?"

He blinks a few times before he finally seems to focus on her. "I'm sorry; I just started thinking about how we could have done this sooner."

She cups his face in her hands, softly rubbing her thumbs over his cheeks. "Maybe we could have, but it wouldn't have been what it is now. I wasn't ready back then. I've worked really hard to get to where I am right now."

"And where is that?" His voice sounds so hopeful and she smiles at him.

"A place where I can finally let all of my walls down and love you like you deserved to be loved, with all of my heart."

He wraps her in his arms, letting the tension and doubt drain from his body. "Those words mean everything to me, Kate."

She leans up to press her lips against his, lingering for only a second. "Prove it."

And then she pulls out of his arms and runs into her bedroom, laughing as he follows hot on her trail.

His hands are everywhere on her body at once, quickly ridding her of all clothing. He lets her get his shirt off before he picks her up and lays her on the bed. "Castle, you still have way too many clothes on," she growls at him as he climbs onto the bed beside her.

"Ahh we'll get to that, Kate. I made you come with my fingers, now I'm going to make you come with my mouth. And Kate?"

Her eyes have grown wide at his words, but she looks even more aroused than she did in the parking garage. "Yes?"

"No holding back, I want you to be loud."

He's on her then, his hands coming to the inside of her thighs, pushing them apart so that he can see her glistening, pink flesh. He presses his tongue against her, licking from her entrance up to her swollen clit. She moans and bucks against his face as he presses a hand to her stomach to hold her down.

He repeats the process again before he sucks her clit into his mouth, his tongue flicking it over and over. Her hands grip his hair and he feels the way one pushes him further into her while the other tries to pull him away.

"Oh Fuck! Yes, yes, don't stop."

She's lost all ability to control how loud she screams as he works her body closer to the edge. She's been with men who liked going down on her before, but no one has ever managed to get her this close to orgasm so quickly. The man knows how to use his tongue.

He releases her clit from his mouth, trailing his tongue back down to where she's dripping wet for him. She cries out when he pushes his tongue inside her, and then he starts a rhythm of in and out, fucking her with his tongue. "Oh my god, that's so fucking good."

He continues his in and out motion until her thighs are trembling and he knows she's almost there. As soon as her walls start to flutter around his tongue he pulls it out and presses it against her clit, the pressure of it sending her over the edge.

"Fuck!" It's the only word she manages to get out as she screams, her orgasm ripping through her with such force that she almost blacks out. He traces his tongue in small circles over her clit, prolonging her pleasure until she's whimpering and trying to push him away.

"Shit, Castle, as amazing as that was, it's been a while since I had sex and I'm really sensitive. Please, I want you to fuck me now."

He grins up at her, her juices shining on his chin and the way he licks his lips should really be illegal. He sheds his pants and boxers in one swift motion and then he crawls up her body, hovering over her.

He kisses her, letting her taste herself on his tongue and she moans into his mouth. She breaks away from his lips when she feels the tip of his erection settle against her opening. She reaches down and strokes him, gasping when she feels how well-endowed he is.

"Wow, Castle, I know I said it's been a while for me, but I don't think I've ever been with anyone this big before."

He watches her hand as it strokes up and down his length. "Mmm, think you can handle it, Kate?"

She places his tip back against her entrance, wiggling her hips so that he presses in to her slightly. "Yes, I can. I don't want slow and passionate right now, I just want you to fuck me. We can take it slow next round."

He presses into her a little further and she gasps. "oh god."

She wraps her legs around his waist, her heels pressing against his ass as he finally slides all the way into her. Her walls grip him tightly as she adjusts to being so full. He watches her, letting her take the lead and give the signal for when she's ready. She nods up at him, her hands holding tightly to his biceps.

He starts with short, fast thrusts, her inner walls gripping him as he slides in and out of her. She moans something incoherent but he picks up his pace, knowing that she wants more. He pistons in and out of her several times before pulling all of the way out and slamming back into her, hitting that spot inside her that no one ever has before.

"Ahh! Yes, yes, fuck yes…do that again."

He could never deny her when she asks him to do something, especially when it comes to this. He does it a few more times before his pace becomes frantic, the need to make her come before him taking over. He changes the angle slightly so that he hits her in just the right spot each time he thrusts inside.

"Oh – oh fuck. Castle, I'm going to come."

He fucks her harder, his hand reaching between them to press against her clit and it only takes the touch of his finger to send her over the edge.

"Yes! Ahh!" She screams out and throws her head back as her walls tighten around him and she feels a gush of fluid as the orgasm hits her. The pleasure is so intense that it's several minutes before she can lift her head and look at him. She can still feel little spams, but she's instantly aware that she doesn't feel _him _anymore.

He's not making eye contact with her; instead his eyes are downcast, focused on something that she doesn't think is her – still recovering from amazing orgasm- center. She pushes up on her elbows so that she can see what he's looking at and it's then that she notices how wet the bed is under her.

Before she can say anything he seems to recover. "Kate, that was amazing. I've never made someone come so hard before. Do you always do that during sex?"

She feels the blush as it creeps up her cheeks and she lets herself fall back down onto the pillow, covering her eyes with her arm. "No. I've never done that before."

He gently pulls her arm away from her face. "Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's sexy as hell that you trust me enough to let yourself let go like that. I want to make you do it over and over again."

He presses his body against hers as he kisses her, letting his tongue roam her mouth until she relaxes and responds to him. When she feels his still hard length brush against her thigh she pulls away from his lips. "You didn't?"

He shakes his head. "No the pressure of your release kind of forced me to pull out. It was amazing, Kate."

She still wants to be embarrassed but the way he's looking at her tells her that it's the last thing she should be. The things he does to her body are truly mind blowing. She hooks one leg over his hip and flips them so that she's straddling his hips. In a swift movement she takes hold of him and lifts her hips, sinking down on him.

He groans as his hands grips her hips, holding her in place. She grins at him as she lifts up slightly and then sinks back down, her eyes fluttering closed at how good he feels. She rolls her hips as she starts to ride him, letting him almost slip from her body each time she lifts and then slamming back down onto him.

It doesn't take long before he's moaning and her movements start to falter as she nears another climax. She lets her own hand drift to where they are joined, her slender finger circling her clit with practiced motion.

This time when she goes over the edge into the sea of pure bliss, she takes him with her. The feeling of him, releasing inside her sends another small orgasm through her and she whimpers as she falls against his chest.

He holds her close, still inside her and yet neither of them tries to move. He's quiet for a few minutes before he brushes her hair off her neck, his hand stroking up and down her back.

"Kate, I know it's a little late to be worrying about this now, but we didn't use a condom."

She lifts her head to look at him. "It's okay. I'm usually a stickler for using a condom, but I'm on the pill – and um…I've never let anyone come inside me before."

His smile blooms across his face and the site of it has her doing the same. "I love you, Kate. Thank you for letting me in, for giving me your heart. And thank you for being loud for me that was hot as hell."

She sits up, tightening her inner walls as she does and grinning at him when she feels him hardening inside her. "I love you too, but we're not even close to done yet. If I remember correctly, you promised to make me scream all night long. You gonna keep that promise, Writer Boy?"

He rolls her onto her back, kissing her hard. "Oh you bet I am."

And true to her word, their night was anything but silent.


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